I've been made redundant - I'm not dying!

Redundancy doesn't mean you're crap at your job.

Honest.

I have been made redundant. I could have looked into redeployment, but I decided to take the money and run with it for three months... hopefully I can get another job at the same company - hope HR don't read this posting!

I wasn't shocked by the redundancies made - all seven of them - because I saw that the mags were not doing well and I expected it.

What I didn't expect was how difficult OTHER PEOPLE in my department would find it to speak to me as normal - or even just ask me if I was ok. One guy was very sweet and sent me an email basically saying that the powers-that-be were insane to even contemplate letting me go (thanks M, cheques on its way to you!).

Freelancers that I have booked over the year went out of their way to ring/email me with their condolances - and I was very touched by that. Hell, they didn't need to do it - no need to suck up to me for shifts when I'm leaving - so I was particularly touched.

But some people I'd had deep and meaningful conversations with in the kitchen, even tentatively arranged to go out for lunch etc can't sink their heads further into the carpet when they see me coming. Either that or their heads are flopping like an ostrich that's been kicked in the neck... that's the bit I don't get.

"I'm still alive," I want to say to them. I almost feel like giving them a hug for feeling so uncomfortable for MY redundancy.

What an experience.